How do you know you are submissive or have the potential to be submissive? How do you feel when you express your submission?
This is something that I have always known about myself. I think I’ve said before that my interest in submission stems solely from my spanking fetish, which I’ve always had. Some of my earliest memories are about my spanking thing, long before I had any knowledge of sexuality.
Some people find this controversial, but I consider my fetish to be my sexual orientation. I’ve been aware of it my whole life, even if I didn’t understand it. I grappled with it in secret for a long time, as I’m sure many other people with fetishes do. And for me, it trumps gender. I used to consider myself bisexual, but now I realize it was never really about sex. I’m attracted to people who are interested in spanking me.
So I guess I don’t have any better answer than this: I’ve just always known. I would be curious to hear from people who realized it later in life!
Here are the stages of how it feels to express my submission:
Butterflies. I go all fluttery and my breath catches in my throat when I know I’m about to get a spanking.
Pain. I don’t like it. I kick and squirm and want it to stop. Sometimes I cry.
Surreality. Sometimes during “scenes” (or whatever you want to call them), I feel detached from reality. It’s hard to explain. It feels like I could be in another time or place or plane of existence? This doesn't happen every time, but it feels weirdly satisfying when it does.
Floatiness. After it’s all done, I get sleepy and drifty. Everything feels great. It’s the endorphins, right?
Is that how other people feel about sex? That would explain the great appeal of romance novels to other people (me, I’m only there for the dominant tinge that the love interest often has, even if it never fully manifests).