Hi Miss Switch,

 

I have a Thanksgiving question. I’ve been with my Dom for two years. We were long-distance at first, but he relocated to my city and we moved in together right before the pandemic. Everything’s been great, but now I don’t know what to do. I know that adjusting has been hard for him. He’s never lived so far away from his family before. Obviously he hasn’t been able to visit because of COVID. Now he wants to fly back to his hometown and see them this week! He even bought a plane ticket without my knowledge. We’re not high-risk, but I also think it’s a bad idea. Whenever I try to talk to him about it, he tells me that it’s his decision and I shouldn’t question it. Yesterday, he got so frustrated with me that I thought he might try to spank me over it. He’s supposed to fly out tomorrow and come back on Saturday. I don’t know how to make him change his mind when he won’t even talk to me about it.

 

YIKES. I’m sorry he’s putting you in such a terrible position.

 

There are two issues here, I think. The first one is logistical. Based on what you’ve said, I don’t think there’s anything you can do to change his mind. Unfortunately, we can’t make others stay home. This whole pandemic would have been less deadly if we could. If it’s at all feasible, he should self-isolate in a hotel for two weeks after coming back buuuuuut I get the feeling that he will refuse to do that. So, if it’s at all feasible, you should stay in a hotel after he returns. That’s financially out of the question for a lot of people (including me), so I wonder if you have a friend who isn’t seeing anyone else in person--maybe you could stay with them for while? I think at the very least, you cannot stay with your dom until he gets a negative Covid test (although if he gets one too soon, it might not show up on the test, even if he has it). The very last resort would be to stay in separate rooms and use separate bathrooms after his return, if you have that kind of space. You might also consider getting a HEPA air purifier for your home. 

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But this isn't really a Thanksgiving question. This is a "my dom is making awful decisions and not listening to me" question. You really need to decide if you can be with someone who has such blatant disregard for your safety and refuses to listen to your concerns. He’s abusing his power in your dynamic by shutting down conversations about this, especially if you haven’t negotiated some kind of power exchange in the domain of “pandemic safety” (I assume that you haven’t). He bought a plane ticket in a pandemic without even checking with you first. 

 

If it were me, I would have serious reservations about continuing a relationship with him. He’s showing abysmal judgment, and this reflects poorly on his ability to make decisions for you in general. Do you trust his judgment in general? Does he have a pattern of making decisions that seem iffy or downright bad? Even if he makes good decisions in general, this sends up a lot of red flags, and I think you should carefully consider whether or not he is fit to be your dom. I know that breaking up is difficult, especially when you live together, and especially during a pandemic, but his behavior is so egregious that the option has to be on the table. If it were me, I’d be running for the hills. 

 

Oh, and if he does try to spank you for voicing your concerns, safeword and get the hell out of there. 

 

For anyone else who is considering traveling for the holiday: Just stay home. Cook yourself a turkey and binge-watch The Queen’s Gambit or something. It’s not worth the risk to you or to the people around you.

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Love, 

Miss Switch

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I am here for anyone with a spanko question! Please email me at ask.miss.switch@gmail.com if you’d like to ask for my advice!

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